I have never done a post that is a prequel to my next post, but I had split the posts into two separate posts because the storyline is just too much for one post. With that being said, you might not get a lot out this post. Anyway, I think that we can all agree that 2020 has possibly been the worst year yet. For me, 2020 got so bad that when people asked me how I was doing, all I could say was, “I’m alive.” Honestly though, 2020 actually started out as my best year… ironic, right? Follow me as we go on a journey throughout the year… come on let’s go!
January and February were freaking awesome. I felt like a completely new person. I can’t even explain how I felt, but it was freaking awesome. March was the best month yet… or at least the first few weeks were. March, just like it was for a lot a people, was when everything started to fall apart. Let’s campout in March for just a minute.
When I say that March was freaking amazing, I mean I was on top of Mount Everest on top of Cloud 9… that’s how amazing it was! Well, it all has to do with a girl named Riley (not her actual name but it’s how I refer to her in my writings) who I had been crushing on for like five months. You see, for the entire month of February I wanted to ask Riley out on date, but I never did. So, on March 1st I resolved to myself that before March was over that I would ask her out. On March 10th, I took the plunge and asked her out, and to my surprise she said, “Yes.” (You can read more about how the entire night unfolded in some of my earlier blog posts.) Later that same week, Corona starts to take its toll on the country, and we got news that Evangel extended our spring break for another week. Even through the news that our spring break was extended a week, I was still hopeful. I thought that we would be back on campus after the two weeks and the date would still happen… WRONG! Next thing that I know is that I was packing my bags getting ready to go home because we were finishing the semester online (I may have said some few choice words in my head). It’s gonna be okay though… everything is gonna be alright? Let’s continue our journey and see what happens next.
Well… April, May, June, and July weren’t completely bad months, but they also weren’t great either. Despite the fact that I’m the absolutely worst person at online classes, I somehow managed to stay on-top of things and finish the semester successfully. I was able to get a job at Sam’s Club and although I had to drive 45 minutes to get there, I was getting paid $11/hr working almost 40 hours a week (that made life somewhat better). I got a new car… well… it was a hand-me-down and it wasn’t the car that I wanted but it was a better car than I currently had, so I was happy to get it (Thanks, Sis!). But somewhere during these months, a darkness came, and I started to lose hope and wanted to give up on life. One thing gave me hope though… she said, “Yes.” the fact that I was finally going to go on date with Riley who is the most beautiful girl I have ever met was the only thing that kept me from giving up. August is just around the corner and things should be getting better. I’m gonna see my friends and finally go on a date with Riley! Should we continue our journey into August?
Alright… we’ve made it to August, and I can feel the darkness start to lift a little. I’m finally back on campus with my friends and although we’re wearing masks and social distancing, it’s gonna be a FANTASTIC semester! Classes have started and I’m off on great start. Then Sunday, August 23rd comes which ends up being one of the worst days of my life. Ten minutes before I’m about to go on stage to lead worship my phone starts to ring… that’s weird I never get phone calls this early on a Sunday. I look at the caller ID and it’s my sister. Why is she calling me? My family knows that I’m usually doing worship on Sundays and they don’t call me until church is over. I answer the phone and she says, “Are you alone?” I say, “Why? What’s going on?” She says, “Grandma just passed.” We talk for a minute but when I hang the phone up, I tell myself that I can’t cry right now. I remind myself that I’ve gotta keep my composure because I about to go on stage. Five minutes before I have to be on stage for worship, I sit in a window just outside of the sanctuary and I fall apart. Tears start to fall, my legs are weak, and I feel like I’m having a panic and asthma attack at the same time. This year just got worse in the worst way possible. I’ve only been back in Springfield for a week, and now I’m on my way back to Tennessee for my Grandma’s funeral. Let’s pause our journey for a second. Can I be completely vulnerable with you for a minute? You see, I wasn’t supposed to be doing worship the Sunday that my Grandma passed. I literally got a text at like 7 or 8pm the Saturday night before asking if I would fill in, I had nothing else going on that day so I said that I would. I believe God had me doing worship that day for a reason. I honestly believe that if I wasn’t doing worship when I got the news, I probably would have either dropped out of college or just ended my life (life was that bad for me). Let’s continue our journey. It’s the Monday night after the funeral, I’m back in Springfield and I need to make a Walmart run (at this point I’m still grieving and I don’t want any of my friends around me, so I go to Walmart alone). While I’m in Walmart I call my Ma to see what kind of seasoning she uses on a dish. Right before I hang up the phone, I see Riley walk by and I scream, “Ah, sh*t.” in my head. You think that after the week that I just had that I would be grateful to see her… I mean I have been crushing on her for months, but I was not excited to see her at all. Not only did I not want to talk to anyone at that time, but we also haven’t talked since March. I didn’t know what to expect or what to say to her. I actually tried to avoid her. God wanted to play jokes though. You see, I needed to get sponges so I could wash dishes and guess what… she was in that section. I got closer to where the sponges are, and I noticed that she’s walking away. I’m hoping that she didn’t notice me… WRONG! She walks over to me and we start talking. I didn’t know what to say. I could only think about two things – how much more beautiful she was looking in her bucket hat (I didn’t know it was possible for a goddess to be more beautiful than she already is) and my Grandma. I also nervous because that was the first time that we had talked SINCE MARCH! Well, anyway, the conversation ended, and we went our separate ways. As I walked away, I realized that neither of us mentioned anything about the date. Should I have said something about it? Maybe. But, anyway, I have to admit that even though I tried to avoid her, I felt some kind of peace after talking to her. Let’s fast forward to later that week. I decided that since neither of us mentioned anything about the date while we were talking Monday night, that I would just DM her and see if she was still interested in going out on a date. Her reply, “Sorry I’m just not interested right now.” NOT INTERESTED… 2020 just went from being a crap fest to being a complete sh*t show. Should we continue our journey into September and October though?
You know the old saying about things get worse before they get better? I thought things couldn’t get any worse than losing my Grandma and being “rejected” in the same month, so things must get better in September. Well, I guess I was wrong again, my friend. Even though classes had only been going on for about three weeks now, I somehow felt like I was a month behind on my assignments and my grades start plummeting. Oh, and that darkness that I thought had left me in August, it’s back and it’s worse. Things had got so bad that I lost all clarity and I was just in constant fog. I decided that I need to go to counseling to gain clarity. September 28th was my first counseling session ever. I was nervous, scared even, about going but I went. The session ended and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. It definitely put me in an awkward position… I’m usually the one who does the counseling, I don’t usually get counseled. I wasn’t sure if I would go back.
October got a little bit better though. Although I was reluctant, I forced myself to go to my second counseling session. By the end of the second session, I was still unsure if I was going to return for a third session. Well, it’s Monday October 12th and the time for my third session has come. With less reluctancy I go, and I share about an epiphany that I received in church yesterday with my counselor, and by the end of the third session I decided that I like it. After my third session of counseling, I stopped being reluctant about going and actually was motivated to go. The time for my fourth counseling session comes and share another epiphany that I received yesterday in church for the second time in a row. I can attest to the fact that counseling helps. Those counseling sessions helped my life go from a complete sh*t show back to being just a crap fest. Shall we continue our journey into November?
Did somebody say cake?!?!? It’s November… my birth month! I’m FINALLY LEGAL… I’m turning 21 on November 11th! To celebrate my birthday, I decided that I will have dinner party on my birthday and then have an after-party at Hooters on Friday night… don’t judge me, it’s a family establishment. So, I was compiling the guest list for my dinner party and I had the bright idea of inviting Riley, but I had to do it in way that ensured her that it was not just going to be the two of us there. (I was trying to respect the fact that she said she wasn’t interested in a date.) Long story short, she said she would come but ended up not being able to make it because some mandatory college thing… understandable, right? No, not to me. You see I had a little dust in my life from trying to date Emma, not her actual name, (I’ll talk more about what I mean by “dust” and what it that “dust” was in the sequel to this post) that caused me to be skeptical and I started to wonder if she was ever actually going to come in the first place… I may never know the truth but I’m okay with not knowing. Anyway, I still had great time at both my dinner party and after-party. However, along with November came my last three counseling sessions. When I started my counseling sessions I was thinking about how the sessions could bring clarity to my life; however, by the end of my counseling sessions I was thinking about rest, the power it holds, and how important it is take a pause in the moment. Let’s finish our journey in December.
Well, here I am in December. (2020 is almost over… THANK GOD!) The month has just started, but I as I think about what rest means to me and how I should be intentional about having a day of rest. I can’t help but think that this must be the place.
Thanks for joining me on my journey through 2020. Be sure read my next post to see the meaning behind this journey (click the link below).
READ THE SEQUEL: “This Must Be The Place“